The Trees Are Spinning
by Nikki Kirk
Summary: Summary: It all starts with a caffeine high, then moves on to drunken disorder. Who else would be in this story but Rachel and Frank? A pointless story by the master of pointlessness, Nikki Kirk.


*Summary: It all starts with a caffeine high, then moves on to drunken disorder. Who else would be in this story but Rachel and Frank? A pointless story by the master of pointlessness, Nikki Kirk.  
  
Disclaimer: Lalalala bite me. Lalalala bite me. Lalalala bite me. Lalalala bite me! Woohoo, coffee, coke and Pepsi all in 6hrs. Yippee! Am I feeling light-headed or what? Hey, this is meant to be a disclaimer. Okay, here goes. I hereby withdraw any responsibility for this story (except for any cases where it is good to be responsible for it, e.g., free Maccas etc etc.) and I'll sue the pants off anyone who attempts to sue me, so there.  
  
Authors Notes: Heeheehoohooheeheeeeee!!! Wowsers, remind me to have heaps of caffeine when I'm over the headache I'll get, okay? What a great feeling!!! Teeheehee! Well, this one here is dedicated to the people whose lives I take a strange, screwed up pleasure in making difficult. All my mates, including Jacque, Nat W, Caroline Spencer (aka Ice, the scary one, weird one etc etc), Stacie Walker, Charmaine, Francee, Megan, Sarah, Anna, Sean, Charlie B, Esme, Funky and Spunky, Taans (Tania Whaitiri), Mum, Dad, the rest of my family, Becky and Dave (and the kids of course, hi guys!), anyone else who've been drowned out in this caffeine haze, my English teacher, Miss Robbie (yeah, the one that poked her tongue out at me, how darn rude! Just kidding! LOL!) for taking an interest in my works, and why don't we just say the rest of the world? Hey, sounds good to me! Thanks guys! Heeheehee... I wonder if any of them will end up reading this... ARGH!!! Teeheehee! And Nat W, next time you get drunk, call me? I want to hear you say "the trees are spinning....!", okay? Teeheehee! Ta.  
  
*****  
The Trees Are Spinning  
By Nikki Kirk  
*****  
  
Rachel gulped down a massive... well, gulp, of coke, then stretched out at her desk, putting her legs on the table. Frank was out getting some lunch, so since she had no witnesses to her slacking off, she decided to make the most of it. She looked at the empty two-litre bottle, which used to have coke in it, sitting on her paperwork. Then she looked down at the bin where two more bottles lay, and then back at her desk where another bottle, a full bottle, had fallen over and rolled under the newspaper. An organised mess, she liked to call it, For she was Rachel Goldstein, and Rachel Goldstein never tolerated messiness. She wondered how long it would be before her bladder burst, for she desperately needed to go, but she couldn't be stuffed. She yawned, debating whether she should go to the loo or not. "Yep," she thought, "I'd better or I'll pee my pants.". And with that she dragged her weary feet off the table, dragged herself onto her feet, and then rushed at snail pace to the toilets.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey Helen! Your Ham and Cheese toasted sammy with focacia bread, Tayler, your pizza's getting delivered right.... Now." Frank flounced into the warm reception area of the Sydney Water Police carrying a few bundles of takeaway food, then looked towards the door after glancing at his watch to see the pizza guy stumble in with Tayler's order.   
"Thanks Frank!" the pair chimed in unison, happily tucking into their 'gourmet' meals.  
Frank grinned in reply and wandered upstairs to take the remaining food to the owners. He tapped on Jeff's door. "Come in." Jeff called, looking up from his paperwork.  
"Here's your low in fibre, high in fat Steak Pie, no more than 1% meat!" Frank grinned, tossing Jeff's pie at him.  
"Thanks Frank. Shut the door behind you." Jeff didn't so much as smile in acknowledgement, watching Frank shut his door.  
Jeff sighed. Frank would be Frank. As unsophisticated as an alligator during dinner.   
Frank waltzed into the D's office as he always did, shooting a grin at Rachel's desk only to find she wasn't there. Must be in the john." Frank said to no one in particular and sat down to his wonderfully posh meal of Fish and Chips.   
He carefully unwrapped the food, sending a few fatty chips flying across the room, then he delicately aimed his tomato sauce and squeezed gently. He then licked the stray splatters off his desk (which happened to be half the content of the sauce packet), and tucked in, eating like a gentleman(yeah, one that'd been living in the jungles of Papua New Guinea, anyway!). And Rachel was lucky enough to see the spectacularly dainty performance live as she walked in with a relieved sigh.  
"Gwadday phwayph!" Frank sprayed bits of fish everywhere.  
"Didn't your mother ever tell ya not to talk with your mouth full?" Rachel snapped, sending a glare that could freeze Fiji for a few millenniums to come.  
"Yeah, she just did!" Frank grinned cheekily after swallowing what he hadn't spat out.  
"Shut up Holloway." Rachel scowled.  
"Yes Mummy. Say, do you want your lunch?" Frank asked, not looking up since he knew Rachel was attempting to fire another killer glare at him.  
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do, *son*." Rachel smirked wickedly, feeling the caffeine kick in.  
"Right then. Catch." Frank threw her parcel at her.  
"Thanks." Rachel stood up and snatched the flying parcel out of the air as it overshot its 'airport', her desk.  
"Well done Mummy." Frank clapped.  
"Thank you." Rachel said, taking a bow.  
  
*****  
  
"Oi, Frank!" Rachel yelled at her partner from reception.  
"Yeah?" Frank's voice emerged from the stairwell.  
"You wanna go water skiing?" Rachel yelled, grinning wildly at Helen.  
"Eh? Goldie, you feeling okay?" Frank poked his head down to take in the scene at the reception desk.  
"I'm feeling F A B U L O U S, FABULOUS!!! YAY!!!" Rachel squealed, jumped up and down a few times, then cracked up laughing.  
"Oh my god. What did you do to her Helen?" Frank scratched his head, wondering what the hell had gotten into his sane-as-a-pine-cone partner.  
"Nothing! You sure you didn't do this?" Helen looked at Frank sceptically.  
"Sure as a banana is yellow, matey potatey!" Frank stared at Rachel who was now throwing around paper darts made of Helen's printer's paper.  
"Maybe she's allergic to pizza?" Tayler suggested, looking as though she was x-raying her piece of pizza.   
"Woohoo! Come on Frank! It'll be fun!!!" was Rachel's only comment, and with that she skipped out the door and into the bright Sydney sunshine.  
  
*****  
  
"Oh my friggin' head." Rachel moaned, holding her head in her hands.  
"You okay Rach? You don't look so good." Frank looked up from his writing reports to find his partner with a flushed face.  
"Yeah, just perfect. I ENJOY it when my HEAD is pounding so hard my brain feels like it's throwing dynamite at my skull." Rachel snapped like a dog with rabies.  
"Oh." Was Frank's unsympathetic reply.  
"You're a jerk, Holloway." Rachel said quietly.  
"It's no bloody surprise though, is it?" Frank said suddenly.  
"Eh?" Rachel was a bit shocked at this sudden outburst.  
"Come on, Rach! Look at all the coke bottles! You had way too much caffeine, as you proved nicely when you threw Jeff in the drink. I'm not sure how he would have reacted if he hadn't had too much caffeine himself!" Frank chuckled at the memory of Jeff's face as he emerged from the water at the end of the jetty.  
"Bugger." Was Rachel's pitiful reply.  
"You know the solution for that?" Frank asked her, signing the last page of his last report.  
"Nah, what?" Rachel asked sarcastically, knowing this would be another one of Frank's stupid remedies that always made her hurl.  
"Get drunk."  
"Yeah?" Rachel looked up, her headache somehow disappearing at the thought.  
"Yeah. Simple, but effective!" Frank grinned.  
"Right. Cutters?" Rachel got up quick as a bolt of lightening and turned off her computer.  
"Nah, they never let ya get sloshed. Your place or mine?" Frank asked.  
"Mine, your place stinks of Jacob still." Rachel grinned at the memory of Helen's adopted son's grand entrance into their lives.  
"True. I'll never get the smell of baby sh..."  
"Shut up Frank, I don't like being grossed out just before dinner." Rachel snapped before he finished his sentence.  
  
*****  
  
"BUUUUURRRRPPPP!!!" Frank Holloway let out a massive belch, then took another gulp of beer.  
"Hah... you call th... tha...at a burp?" Rachel was very drunk, and her fogged mind told her she wasn't going to remember this, and Frank was so drunk he wouldn't either.  
"Yeah, I do." Frank replied, letting out another one.  
"Then try this one on fer sizzzze." Rachel grinned.  
"BBUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" Rachel let out a massive belch that made the walls move.  
"Teeheehee!" Frank collapsed into a drunken giggling fit.  
"Heeyaaa...." Rachel cracked up laughing and started rolling on the floor.  
"BBUUUUUURRPPP!" Frank let another one rip.  
"BBBBEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPPOOOORRRRPPP!" Rachel's tonsils practically flew out of her mouth and hit Frank in the moosh.  
The pair looked at each other in shock for a second. Then they collapsed into laughter again, the alcohol killing any of the sense that wasn't drowned by now.  
When they finally gathered themselves back together, they looked at each other for a while. "Whadda yoooooo lookin' at?" Rachel snapped drunkenly, her slurred words getting even more slurred by the minute.  
"Yer ug-lee mug." Frank replied, looked at her trying to pull a frown but ending up looking astonished, then keeled over laughing once more.  
"What're yooo laughin' at? Aye? Come on H-H-Hollowa-eee, what're you laughin' at?" Rachel chuckled, then dissolved into laughter, her brain finally surrendering to the overload of alcohol.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey Fraaaank! The trees are spinning....!!! Teeheehee!" Rachel staggered outside, then supported her uncooperative body on the lamppost.   
"Teeheehee! They are too!" Frank called from the doorway, looking at Rachel's blurred figure lolling around on the lamppost.  
It was 2am, and the drunken pair had decided to go and sing on the streets for some reason, for that was what drunk people often did. The pair decided that the outside world was too kinky and weird to the drunken eye, so they wobbled and stumbled their way back inside.  
"Ow!" Rachel tripped over the dining room table.  
"Hey! Who put that there?" Rachel asked with a drunken frown, then laughed.  
"Hey Ra-aychypoos! Can I-I have the last beer?" Frank pulled the remaining can out of the fridge, the sole survivor of the 23 can massacre by the pair.  
"Oh, yeah...! Teeheehee! Hey, I think I'm gonna hurl!" Rachel laughed again, then rushed to the loo.  
"Oops. Teeheehee!" Frank dropped the last can onto the kitchen floor, then watched curiously as the yellow liquid oozed out onto the nice clean floor.  
"Fraaaank!" Rachel appeared in the doorway, the silly grin turning into a drunken snarl.  
"Oops. Teeheehee!" Frank snorted, then set to the task of cleaning the mess up-with Rachel's freshly washed favourite towel.   
Rachel couldn't care anymore, so she just cracked up laughing. "Hey, look Fraaaank, I'm Xeeeenah!" Rachel did a pathetic imitation of a Xena yell, and fell flat on her back after kicking a pot plant over.  
"Haaaaaaah!" Frank bellowed, then keeled over with laughter again.  
"Teeheehee!" Rachel roared with laughter, still lying flat on her back.  
  
*****  
  
Rachel squeaked as her alarm clock bellowed at her from her bedside table. She slammed her fist down on it, breaking it in half, again, for the fourth time that month. Alarm clocks were becoming a regular thing on her shopping list; Milk, bread, margarine, alarm clock....  
She stumbled out of bed and pulled on a suit. She wasn't sure which suit, but her suit nonetheless. Or was it? She looked in the mirror and almost screamed. She was wearing a man's jacket. And someone was in her bed. She suddenly recognised the sleeping fulla. It was Frank. She yanked the jacket off, rolled it into a ball, and threw it at him with all her might. "Eh? What? Oh, shivers..." Frank rubbed his head and squinted through his foggy eyes, forcing them to focus.   
"Oh god. Rachel?! What're you doing in my... hey, it's yours. What am I doing in your... your BED?" Frank leapt out of bed as if he'd been stung in the butt by a foot long bumblebee.   
"Frank, keep yer knickers on." Rachel hissed, blocking her ears, the yelling reverberating through her sore brain.  
"Phew." Frank breathed a sigh of relief looking down at himself.  
"Yeah, I'll say!" Rachel agreed, noting that he still had his pants on, and she was in her underwear when she'd pulled herself out of bed a few minutes before.  
"We didn't... did we?" Frank asked quietly, just moving his mouth made his head hurt even more.  
"Nah, we're safe. Looks like we got so drunk we just fell into bed. Thank god." Rachel snatched her sunglasses out of her drawer and put them on before whipping the curtains open.  
"Aah!" They both yelled, shielding their eyes from the sun, the evil foe of the drinkers of the world.  
"Here!" Rachel's eyes grudgingly became used to the light and she threw Frank a spare pair of sunnies.   
"Ta."  
"You want breakfast?" Rachel asked, leaving him to get changed.  
"Coffee! And lots of it!" Frank called as she headed to the kitchen.  
Rachel flicked the coffee maker on and cursed as the sun poured into the room. She stuck her head in the pantry until the beeper sounded, then blindly set about pouring the scorching hot liquid into the cups, no easy task with her unsteady hands. Half a coffeepot and several sponges later, Rachel called Frank, regretting it as soon as she'd yelled the 'F'. "Ow! Bugger! Damn it!" Rachel whispered, holding her head and massaging her temples.  
"I agree." Frank whispered, entering the room.  
  
*****  
  
"Morning Rachel, Frank." Helen said too loudly as the pair wandered in with sunglasses on.  
"Yeah." They both muttered.  
"Hard night, eh?" Helen smiled at her niece, Tayler.  
"Something like that..." Rachel whispered in reply.  
They tiptoed into the office like mice, afraid to make any noise that they might regret. Just as the sat down, Helen popped her head through the doorway. "Hope you two didn't do anything I wouldn't..." Helen said too loudly again.  
The detectives groaned and held their heads as if they were going to fall off. "Well, that doesn't leave much to do then, does it Helen?" Frank said cheekily.  
Helen grinned and wandered out. Those detectives, what would they do next?  
  
*****  
*****  
  
Well, how weird is that? Pointless, strange, and with absolutely no storyline! Wow! A masterpiece of an example what not to do in School C! Teeheehee! Feedback please! Thanks Vanessa for being the first person to give me feedback, apart from Esme! The usual sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com okay? Thanks!  



End file.
